Tears well up in my eyes. The lump comes back to fill the once vacant space in my throat. I sit, alone, in my room. Curled up in my bed. Thinking. Thinking of all the people I hurt. That last world stumbles across my mind endlessly. "yeah..". I tremble. My mind aches like 50 pound weights are being countlessly smashed into my head. I feel hopeless. Angry. Sad. Helpless. Useless. Non-deserving. The physical pain is overwhelming. I feel it run down from head to my toes and back. Tensing up what's left of my body. I can't move. I can't think. I can't feel. All my senses being cut off. My body turns stiff as a single cold tear runs down my cheeck. Staring at what I think Is my ceiling, my vision blurs. I can't make out what is merely in front of me. And that is when I decide. I decide I'm not as strong as you and me both thought I was. I decide I don't deserve you. I'm a liar. This is me. The ugly side of me. The demented, ugly, phsycotic, impared, unusual side of me.
I wrote this awhile ago..This is my past.. This is how I spent every second of my day.. This was me.. Me until I found you. I love you(:
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