Stability and the fall

You're tearing us apart. Don't you get it? You think you're doing right but really.. Is keeping us apart right? You're making us so distant, so far from each other.. Emotionally. It's one thing to protect and it's another to restrain. It's not fair, why is it always that once I have something stable in my life.. It goes away. My seeing him was my stability.. Our relationship was my stability.. Something that I could count on if anything went wrong to be there when I fall. Now it is the fall, so tell me, what happens when your stability is the fall? What's there to catch you?Who's there to catch you?

In your arms

6:01. 6:02. 6:03.. Damn. I need to sleep. But I can't. Since when can I ever? Since when do I ever? I lay here, staring blankly into space.. All night long. I just wish I could get away right now. To that place.. That one safe-haven.. Away from this whole world where nothing can harm me, anger me, annoy me, depress me, nothing. Where I have no troubles. No worries. No regrets. No fears. No insecurities. Where I can feel nothing but you. Nothing but love. Nothing but joy. Nothing but security and warmth. The only place I ever want to be, in your arms.   

Why?

 I miss you. Why can't you be here with me? Why do you have to leave my side? Why can't we be together forever? Why can't you hold me all night long? Why do we have to be apart? Why is it that everytime I see you I get butterflies? Why does my heart skip a beat at the sound of your voice? Why can't I stand to be away from you? Why do you make me so happy? Why do I think of you 25 hours a day? Why can you always make me smile? Why did I get so lucky? Why do I need you by my side to feel whole? Why? Because I love you.

So theres this girl..

So there's this girl..
She's like my sister. She makes me smile when I'm sad. She holds me when i cry. She comforts me. She frustrates me, but i love her to death. She annoys the crap out of me sometimes, but i hate being away from her. She eats all my Pop-Tarts, and mistakes peaches for mangoes. She's taught me more about myself than i could ever learn on my own. She's been by my side through the thick and thin for 6 years now. Nobody understands how close we are. She always makes me turn the light out, but i don't think i could live without her. Oh, and did i mention she's my best friend?
i love you Julie!!(;

You make me feel:
1. Beautiful
2. Amazing
3. Extra-ordinary 
4. Worth something 
5. Blessed
6. Alive
7. Loved
8. Grateful
9. Safe
10. Joyful
..... And so much more.    

Before I found you..

Tears well up in my eyes. The lump comes back to fill the once vacant space in my throat. I sit, alone, in my room. Curled up in my bed. Thinking. Thinking of all the people I hurt. That last world stumbles across my mind endlessly. "yeah..". I tremble. My mind aches like 50 pound weights are being countlessly smashed into my head. I feel hopeless. Angry. Sad. Helpless. Useless. Non-deserving. The physical pain is overwhelming. I feel it run down from head to my toes and back. Tensing up what's left of my body. I can't move. I can't think. I can't feel. All my senses being cut off. My body turns stiff as a single cold tear runs down my cheeck. Staring at what I think Is my ceiling, my vision blurs. I can't make out what is merely in front of me. And that is when I decide. I decide I'm not as strong as you and me both thought I was. I decide I don't deserve you. I'm a liar. This is me. The ugly side of me. The demented, ugly, phsycotic, impared, unusual side of me. 

I wrote this awhile ago..This is my past.. This is how I spent every second of my day.. This was me.. Me until I found you. I love you(: 

You know who you are(:

I can't tell you how much you mean to me. I couldn't put it into words if i tried. And yes babe, I've tried. I don't understand you, i don't get why you love me or care for me. I try so badly to see myself as the amazing girl you claim for me to be. But i can't. I don't see any of it. But it doesn't matter what i think of myself, I'm just so grateful to have you in my life. You comfort me when I'm sad, no matter what you always know just how to cheer me up, and make my day just that much better. Even just by simply telling me you love me brightens my day. Without you I'd be more lost than ever. I don't even want to think of not being able to call you mine. The thought brings tears to my eyes. Yes, sometimes i get sad and depressed or angry, and you may not know why, and sometimes i don't really have an answer either, but you really don't need to be sorry. That's just me, who i am. And i hope you'll accept it. I also cant tell you how appreciative i am of your patience with me. I know I'm hard to deal with sometimes, and i don't mean to be, but you still don't give up on me like everybody else has. Thank you. So much. I love you more than anything and I'd give everything for you. Even myself if necessary. I'd rather be fighting with you than be happy with someone else any day. You are the most amazing, kind, loving, generous, patient, gorgeous, trustworthy, funny, dorky:), lovable, whole hearted, wonderful person I've ever met. No doubt about it. I love you everything about you, even your insecurities and imperfections. Everything. Babe, i love you, you mean the world to me.